The sky is a flawless blue, unencumbered by even the hint of a cloud as I sit here pondering the significance of the end of February. Actually, the end of February has no intrinsic significance other than it means that March is about to arrive. March hasn’t been easy for me for several years now, because it forces me to once again celebrate my dad’s birthday without him here….all the while thinking what might have been instead of what is.
It is said that “March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb,” a reference to the demise of winter and the commencement of spring, and the brighter days that accompany it. Usually March’s lion begins for me as my father’s birthday approaches and ends once the day has passed. But not this year!
The lion will roar early this March on the one-year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. Before I get the chance to catch my breath, my father’s birthday will be upon me, which will be more painful than usual. For the first time since his passing, I will not be at his graveside to acknowledge his birthday. Although I know that he knows that I’ll be there in spirit, it is difficult just the same. And while the day after his birthday is usually the beginning of March’s lamb for me, that is no longer the case. This year, I’ll be waiting for the next wave to come crashing down as the one-year anniversary of the passing of our family dog closes out the month of pain. (I’ll be writing about each of these separately).
Of course, life is short, and there is no time for a month’s worth of wallowing in what I have lost. It just so happens that March may very well be the month that marks a new beginning for me. A month when dreams start to materialize into reality as the seeds that were planted long ago finally start to blossom. Maybe it is just coincidence, or maybe good things happening in March is a way of counterbalancing the painful reminders of what I have lost.
Whether we like it or not, we don’t get the chance to compartmentalize our pain into specific time periods and then thrive during the rest of the year. Each month is filled with good times and bad times. It’s just the way that life is. Some months, the good times will far outweigh the bad. Some months, the bad times will take center stage and overshadow the good. If we’re lucky, there will be many more good months than bad ones….many more good times than bad times.
For many people, the convergence of winter and spring is more about the weather than anything else. If not for key dates in March, it might be the same for me. But it’s not. I know all too well already about the lion that I am about to meet as the calendar flips to March. What remains to be seen is what the lamb has in store for me.
Waldo's Life 