Dear Dad…

In Family on March 13, 2010 at 4:08 am

I can’t believe how long it has been since we got to celebrate one of your birthdays with you here.  Time is really flying by.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you at least once, but usually much more.  Whenever I get the chance, I slip in a story about Poppy to the kids.  I try to do it with the laughter and fun that you would have, but inside it still feels very bittersweet….knowing that the kids’ only memories of you were not experienced by them… but told by me.

When you used to talk about retiring and moving to a warmer place, I always hoped that you would change your mind once you became a grandfather.  Even though you only got to be here with a grandchild for a month before you left us, it was easy to see the pride and love that you felt as you held that baby girl in your arms.  She’s the luckiest of the grandchildren because at least there are pictures of the two of you together.  And though you never got to hold the other grandchildren, I have no doubt that they would have felt just as loved, and you wouldn’t have been able to leave them to go someplace warm.  Of course, knowing what I know now, I wish that we were only a plane ride away from visiting you.

Life has taken some strange turns since I stood at your grave last year on your birthday.  Who would have thought that I would be the one to move away to a warmer place?  Leaving New York was hard for many reasons….not being able to visit you is near the top of the list.  I’ve always been there for every birthday, the anniversary of your passing and other times during the year where I just felt the need to be there…if only for a little while.  Being so far away, it’s just not possible to do that right now, but visiting you will be the first thing that I do when I visit Long Island.

I’ll stand there with the kids, telling them funny stories and thinking about what might have been if they had gotten the chance to know you on their own.  I’m sure that they would talk about their Poppy with the same love and adulation that you would have as you showed pictures of them to your customers.  The older ones already talk about you that way even though they have no memories of their own with you.  They love you and miss you…as we all do.  My son has cried at times as he speaks about how unfair it is that he never got to meet you.

My little one isn’t as aware as the other kids, but she knows more and more about you as the days pass by.  If you are watching over everyone (as I hope you are), you already know that she inherited her fun personality from you.  There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t make me laugh often with the things that come out of her mouth.   I always enjoy bringing her with me to visit you because she does it with a smile.  She has fun putting rocks on your stone as the meaning behind it is beyond her grasp right now.  When I visit you with her, there are moments when I let go of the pain because I am so wrapped up in her joy.

Your birthday is never an easy day for me, but I will do my best to put my sadness aside and be there for the kids the way that you always were there for us.  Spending a few hours on the football field with my boy should help.  He’s doing a great job.  You would be so proud of him.  Despite all of the loss that he has had in the last year, he is thriving in his new school.  He is adjusting to living in a new place.  He still misses things about home.  I do too.  But we’re making the best of where we are.  I just wish that it wasn’t so far away from everyone.

Even though I can’t be there to celebrate your birthday with you today, I will be there in spirit.  On a day that should be about gifts for you, I want to thank you for the gift that you unknowingly gave to me…the example of what a dad should be to his kids.

Happy Birthday Dad!  I love you and miss you more than words could ever say!

  1. As usual, amazing.

  2. Adam what a touching letter to your dad. He would be proud of the person you’ve become.

  3. Dearest Adam,
    The love you have for your Dad is overflowing…it flows in your veins and those of your children. What a special person he must have been, and what a legacy he left in you. That is a special gift that sometimes can not be described. It is just there. I know he is just beaming to his croonies and boasting about you up in heaven. As for the warmer climate, I am sure he was not aware that El Nino plays havac with it here.
    I miss my Daddy so much I am sometimes not able to put it into words, and the only way I can console myself, is to know that he is watching my Lindsay & the two are not alone. I know I am late commenting, however, it is never too late to praise the ones we love and honor their memory…and you have done that beautifully. L’Chaim, Adam!

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